[em-bee]

no matter how much i look forward to an activity with a friend, if they don't want to go, then i want to know, i'd rather cancel or reschedule than have someone be secretly miserable. the relationship itself is more important than my feelings about it. for a close friend, avoidance is damaging to the relationship, talking about it, strengthens the relationship.

sucking it up quietly is the wrong answer.

sometimes there may be a situation where canceling causes problems for the other person, but you only find out by talking about it and if you end up going anyways after you tell them, they will appreciate it even more that your friendship is worth so much that you are willing to be uncomfortable for their sake.

[caddemon]

It really depends on the situation IMO. "Sucking it up quietly" doesn't necessarily mean that the entire event will be unpleasant. Sometimes it is more like the activation energy necessary to stick to an exercise routine - if I had a draining work week I'll have low motivation to go out, but if I do "suck it up" I'm usually happy at the end of the night that I did.

The social pressure to "suck it up" can actually be an awesome motivator for healthy behaviors, e.g. committing to a rec sports team. So there is definitely variation here. You need to know not just how important the event is to your friend, but also yourself.

[em-bee]

right, it depends, if the thing that agreed to has some other benefits.

an alternative example would be after that draining work week cancelling an activity because i know i'll be tired the next morning and i really need more rest to be fit the next day.