[brimble]

The one who's easy is the youngest. I assure you the first born got a lot more positive 1-on-1 attention.

[EDIT] Also:

> The starting suggestion positive discipline might have is to block out some one-on-one time in the week, one parent with one misbehaving kid, even if it's just for an hour each. Then you are fulfilling their need for a connection in a positive way. You may see each other in a different light and even discover new strengths and contributions to the family. The idea is their need to get your attention by misbehaving will decrease over time.

Yes, we've been doing that for years, of course. It is partially effective, at very, very high levels of time committed. Effective enough we can tell when we've not been doing enough. I'd say it closes the gap between the easiest kid and the most difficult by maybe 20% on a perfect week.

[unityByFreedom]

Do you hold family meetings where everyone can share what's going well and not-so-well? That might be something to look into if not.

A family counselor could better guide on how to get that started. It may be awkward or bumpy the first few times.