[droppedframe]

I went to the Leys school in Cambridge as a border, and it was by far the worst experience of my life. I was burnt out for a decade and I turn 40 this year, only recently having gotten over the resentment. Much of this article rang familiar. Those British boarding schools are intended for upper class misbehaving teens who won’t conform. There’s no intent to educate, they’re trying to ‘break’ the pupils. A common tactic to sidestep accountability is to give authority to the older pupils. I can’t even think about it without getting angry and upset. They beat me to the point my whole upper body was black. I twice attempted suicide in the dorm only to be stopped and beaten more. I was sleep deprived to the point I could hardly stand. It was freezing at night and the older boys in the neighboring dorm made it a habit of sneaking in and hitting us (hard) with bats and hockey sticks. Enough, I choose not to think about it anymore. But I was unable to function in British society after that. My hatred for the people was to the point I couldn’t even speak. To this day I refuse to buy British product. I left a few years later and I’ll never go back to England.

[droppedframe]

and I’m not going into the sex stuff, but yes that was going on as well. Less with myself but it was all the way criminal.

Shame on me for not going to the police. But as a young teenager you just don’t know.

[denton-scratch]

> the sex stuff

I don't know about The Lees; the boarding school I went to was full of homosexuality, both between the boys and between certain teachers and boys. It was treated very casually; "boys will be boys".

I was a victim of (mild) abuse. I never told anyone, until my father died, a few years ago (my mother died 40 years ago). I had read an article by another victim, which named my abuser - at a different school. After my father died, I finally felt able to report my abuser to the police.

The way it works is that sooner or later, some boy reports the abuse to their parents. The parents complain to the head; the head explains to the abuser that he has two choices; he can stay and be prosecuted, or he can leave, with a clean reference. So he just gets a job at another private school.

The head absolutely doesn't want a scandal.

[bythreads]

Big hug

[bythreads]

Sorry couldn't let this one go: I hope you've internalized completely that it wasn't your fault - and you where just a kid trying to survive - again not your fault.

[droppedframes2]

My roommate who was athletic and feminine looking had it a lot worse. It was the first time I had seen any type of sex. It was violent and non consensual, and he was devastated, never the same. I felt faint there was a sense of shock. They involved me (with force) so that I couldn’t talk about it and they stopped me leaving the room. Then they said that’s part of the culture and he’s one of them now or something to that effect and stayed for an hour to see if he was going to talk. Then he and I had an argument and agreed that it just never happened, because being gay (I’m straight) is very much stigmatized and we both didn’t want our parents to find out. He went home I think a year or two later and overdosed and died. Then I really couldn’t talk about it, because my previous silence made me responsible. It depends how you look at it. I mean you never hear the story of the perpetrators in shootings. Not that I’m condoning anything like that, that’s no solution. But I do understand that level of anger and but for access to a gun at that time I may well have filled those shoes. You can only push an unstable teenager so far, and I expect these things happen behind closed doors quite frequently. I just get so angry thinking about it.

[spacemanmatt]

> I mean you never hear the story of the perpetrators in shootings.

When the Littleton shooting hit the news this was the first thing on my mind. Lots of us know those events have deep roots in the local community.

[wolverine876]

> Then I really couldn’t talk about it, because my previous silence made me responsible.

You were a kid in an impossible situation; you weren't and aren't the responsible party. Most adults couldn't handle that situation, and the adults there didn't handle it at all. Your story and your roommate's story are just heartbreaking to hear. It makes me angry at the adults and, though I try to remember that they are conditioned the same experiences, at the attackers.