| Impostor-syndrome is very very normal (I'm 20+ years in the industry and still have it), so rest assured you're not alone. What's most important is that despite negative self-talk you're able to learn the ropes at the pace expected by your team lead and manager. You don't know what that other Junior Engineer's story and history is. They might not be as Junior as they appear. I've hired "junior engineers" who have been programming since they were 8 years old. Even star engineers will often be overtaken by an even hotter burning, faster shooting star engineer. It's the nature of the industry that you will eventually work with what appear to be savants. There is room in the industry for mere mortals. Regarding getting "soft booted"; As a manager I would never call a reassignment that. I might refer to a reassignment as "aligning an engineer's assignment with their talents". Sometimes I realize I've thrown someone into the deep end and they need to be pulled out of the water and given something a bit less intense; mea culpa. If someone were truly under performing I would be putting them under formal coaching. Negative self-talk is dangerous when it leads you into to a downward spiral of under-delivery. I've seen engineers that literally self sabotage because they talk themselves out of actually delivering as expected. They constantly focus on "learning" so much that they never put what they've learned to use in delivering their assignment. They're obsessed with catching up so much that they never even start. If nothing else, deliver what is expected to you. If you don't understand it, ask with help breaking it down. Every hint, or vague request by a manager or lead is likely a softly stated expectation. Ask for clarification: when would you like this done? how long do you think this should take? Regarding wasting a lead's time, in my experience (as a lead engineer at one time, and on the receiving end of lead engineer's guidance) they will tell you when you're wasting their precious time. In fact, my technical mentor once told me, "first time you ask a question I'll show you how to find the answer. Second time you ask the same question I'll show you were to refresh your memory. Third time I'll tell you RTFM". If you're doing poorly, it's likely that you'll be told in some way or another. Otherwise, If you can, don't try to read too much into things unsaid. |