[tomcam]

I don’t know how to live my life without comparing myself to others.

For example, I am morbidly obese, 100+ lbs overweight. The data are very clear: that is extremely unhealthy. If I lived without comparing myself to other people, I would think it’s just fine, because eating right for me is insanely difficult and causes me to jones for food for hours at a time (e.g. eating at 6pm, getting hungry again at 8pm, and wanting food desperately until I finally get to sleep at 5:30 am is a normal day for me). Eating junk makes me feel integrated and whole—every time. Eating the right amount of calories is agony. Exercising makes me feel horrible.

Another example: my family wrecked their lives with drug consumption and nearly wrecked mine with terrible handling of relationships. But when I got away I learned by comparing my upbringing with others that those patterns were damaging, and that I didn’t have to visit that upon my own kids.

Comparisons like this are necessary for me calibrate my systems and actions.

Why do people dumber than I am sometimes do better? I never worried about that. I just figured that by working hard and using common sense I could usually replicate their success.