[bradlys]

I’m in a similar position minus the children part. Needless to say - going out is the solution. You need to go make new friends and get into more social environments. Basically start saying yes to more things. People invite you to something and you’re not feeling it? Too bad - just say yes. You found something to do that involves other people through an ad, forum, Facebook, etc etc. - say yes. I found that often I don’t regret saying yes that much especially when I compare it to what I would’ve been doing. (Some version of self-pitty, stuck in my head, feeling trapped, and powerless to change my situation)

I’m gonna be honest - it’s not easy. There’s lots of giving up and feeling like it’s hopeless but there’s moments where it feels like the momentum is building. Just need to translate that momentum into something meaningful.

I will also mention that I’m a niche product and I’ve found myself very difficult to make close friendships with people. I’m extremely picky with who I associate closely with. As much as I like to think people don’t like me - it’s really that I don’t like most people. Because you’re not outside of your body and inside someone else’s - you’ll find that even if you’re interesting or what not, if you don’t show interest back, people will disengage. So - it’s important to say yes to people more often. And that’s hard after going through a divorce and after probably losing some friendships and being burnt out over 30+ years of trying to get things perfect but failing. But you gotta keep saying yes and keep trying. Also - not all friendships need to be friendships where you could share every single thing ever with someone and be bestest buddies for life with it almost looking like a marriage from the outside. This is setting up most friendships for failure.

Also - stay off dating apps for a long long time. If you’re anywhere near average (or worse) looking physical appearance - they will absolutely ruin any shred of self-confidence that you thought you had. Totally blackpills you. To be fair - I’m in SV - so life is already blackpilled as it gets.