[wuschel]

Hey,

There are many people who are separated with kids, and not being able to see their kids. It is horrible.

It might sound a bit cliché, but please bear with me:

> I have a pattern of loneliness pushing me into making very foolish decisions.

If you have a semi-pathologic pattern in your life you need to find a good therapist. HN/Reddit/your internet forum of choice will not have the same impact as a professional that helps you to work up your problems.