[zentr1c]

Been through the same cycle as OP.Its painful and sucks. Still after 15 years . I am over 50 now. Kid grown up.

Dealing with the lonliness from the kids was the toughest. If you cant get along with the mum. Accept it and leave the kids behind in love. Maybe write every now and then dont blame yourself. If you get along well you should keep in touch with them. Otherwise it will drain you and them of so much energy that in the end nobody has a chance to become happy. And to become happy is what you should prioritize on. Otherwise your kids wont learn how to deal positivly when they are ready to see you again.

On lonlines: A very positive strategy for me was that I opened my self again as a spiritual being after being atheist for most of my life. I was lucky to find a church community that I liked. Its is also a place where you have a chance to socialize with all ages not only your age or interest group democraphic. This helps to broaden your social skills. I recommend attentending a service where they sometimes socialize afterwards (Brunch together, discuss or have Coffee together). I found it extremly valuable to connect with older folks and talk about their perception of loneliness and life. Also christians teach to talk to god. So in the end your not alone anyway, somehow. Just try out some services and communities till you find one that you feel welcome and positiv. Open up to singing and worship without judging yourself beeing unauthentic. There are lines in the songs you can connect and others you cant. This can really free blocks and helps to become less judgmental on yourself and others. Ofcause beware of sects that just want money. On the other hand look at it like it is a service you pay for. Like gym, shrinks, alcohol etc. It might be the cheaper option.

Regarding women and other releationships... 1. Accept and learn to understand your needs and preferences. Stop blaming yourself. It's all part of the experience. You are ok. And dont bend yourself to satisfy others but learn from others. 2. Learn the game. There are some rules. Most important is 1. There is great literature about it. Must reads are from David Schnarch.

Enjoy the ride there is a lot to discover. To force yourself into "learning to be lonly" postpone it to after death.

Good luck.