[gexla]

I kind of wish I could do this. I just separated from a live-in partner who won't let go and has been causing me grief for much the past year. Separated with another months before that one. Each time ends up being a lot of spent energy on something which isn't helping me.

I get into a bit of an upcycle when I'm alone. Get a solid routine where I knock out all the boring parts of life by habit. Sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time without an alarm clock. Get to the point of knowing what time it is just from where I'm at in my daily routine. Cook a good meal twice a day. Routine for work. My days just flow. When someone else enters my life at that level, then the machinery generally breaks down.

I live in SE Asia, and it's super easy to find a place where people are hanging out, drink a coffee, and then just BS with some stranger. I don't even have to start the conversation, as usually someone will start it.

Trouble is, I find there are things about close physical contact which can't be replicated. My (now ex) partner can make me melt on command. Every time we do the dirty, I feel like there's nothing I would rather be doing than that. I feel like I'm missing out on some important part of existence if I'm not experiencing these things daily. It's really hard to find the right partner in the right situation I guess.