[cracrecry]

Usually when someone has abusive parents, they become abusive themselves. It is a good idea that they get professional help in order to break the cycle.

>and have been intentional about not falling into the same behaviors with my kids.

This is usually the problem. You are intentional on NOT falling into THE SAME behaviors, and probably will overreact on the opposite behaviors that is as abusive as the original.

Just because something is bad does not mean that the radically opposite is good.

It is not a good idea focusing on what not to do instead of on what to do.

E.g I have seen parents that were too constrained as kids removing all limits for their children. The kids getting into bad friendships and destroying their lives as a result of the neglect from their parents.

Or someone educated as a Catholic with sexual restrictions promote sexual promiscuity on their children, with very bad outcomes.

[thrashh]

Personally I find the solution is to meet and hang out with very diverse crowds.

I find that whenever you make a decision, you are really sampling from what you’ve already seen.

If haven’t seen a lot, your decision making is really constrained. If you’ve only seen bad decisions, you will make a lot of the same ones. You won’t even know that they’re bad.

The hardest part of life really is figuring out what you don’t know yet. And it’s really, really hard.

[turkishmonky]

My great grandfather used to beat my grandfather - going as far as to stab him through the leg with a pitchfork on occasion.

My grandfather, partly from trauma and partly from what I believe is hereditary mental illness, swung back the other way, peacing out instead of parenting, leaving my father to get into a lot of trouble as a kid, and witness some different traumatic things.

My father swung back towards being unable to control his anger, and with frequent mood swings between depression and rage. Although, aside from spanking he didn't beat his kids, just pets and walls.

I'm the first generation that has been working towards treating my hereditary mental issues - taking mental health meds, going to counseling. I'm hopeful that I can break the cycle, but enough of a realist to realize I am lacking on a lot of parenting things that I need to learn from outside sources instead.