[NicoJuicy]

Yep, STFU is the way to go.

I would note that some people claim they don't want to talk about private things, while they actually want to talk about it.

In general, I pickup incredibly quick when something is off and I mostly just ask flat out: "Is something the matter, since something seems off".

And additionally, I mention that if they don't want to talk about it, just say "It's private or that it doesn't concern me and I won't ask anymore".

In general, I overthink those thinks and too quickly think that it's something with me related. I think mentioning that they can say: "it doesn't concern you" makes me more comfortable that it's not related to me and that they don't want to talk about it too.

[jmyeet]

> In general, I pickup incredibly quick when something is off and I mostly just ask flat out: "Is something the matter, since something seems off".

Often I think this is unnecessarily confrontational and it can come off as aggressive. Here are three useful "hacks" for humans:

1. Just sit there and say nothing. People naturally want to fill that empty void so will start talking. Just engage on whatever subject they bring up; or

2. Alternatively, make a general uncontroversial statement. This has to be tailored to the situation. Your interests, their interests and context. Something like "I can't believe how crazy the NFL postseason was this year"; or

3. Ask a noncontroversial question. Yes/no questions tend to be worse than non-binary questions. A good template here is "How do you feel about X?" where X isn't something like "Trump" but is more like "boneless wings being chicken nuggets".

[NicoJuicy]

Well, I do agree that it's somewhat confronting, but it get's results pretty fast.

A lot of it really depends on how you say the: "If it's private, just say stfu and I will not ask anymore".

It can be funny and disarming. It means that you want to know what is going on and that they should have no problems with saying that they don't want to talk about it. It doesn't translate well to written text.

In a lot of cases, you don't need to follow-up anymore and they will talk from their own. They are aware that you won't ask anymore, without them going forward on initiating the talk.