[drewcoo]

I find NVC to be harmful and passive aggressive when wielded by some people. Any time we talk empathy it can turn into "what someone else just knows you're thinking" and the slippery slope into thought policing. And I've only heard of NVC folks using that.

Personally, I prefer what can be demonstrably shown via past behavior combined with a sense of charity.

[hughrr]

It’s even worse for some people. They promote that they read it which gives them undue credibility for their unpalatable ways of operating.

[technicolorwhat]

Hmm for me a course did wonders really. It really allowed me to better express my own needs and feelings and dial in the feelings of others.

What described above I've seen happen, but mostly with beginners or people that use this new found ideas as agenda but without actually connecting with the other, expecting miracles or use NVC as a tool for policing. Or people that were already manipulative in the first place, but now just try to use NVC.

It can also come off as manipulative in an already unhealthy situation, where the relationship consists of so much mistrust that bringing anything new to the table is frowned upon and already met with suspicion.

My personal take away from it was to ensure that I prevent destructive communication and prevent blame using words things like "You should have" because they don't give the other tools to work with and actually address the problem at hand. For me the bottom line of the book was that us expressing our emotions and needs to allow the other, if willing, to actually address the problem at hand. It also made me see that sometimes effective communication was blocked because I had to deal with my own things first.

Communication, empathy, and time to actually listen, is something that unfortunately in my culture isn't thought as a core skill.

[pell]

I think NVC is a dangerous tool in the wrong hands (or mouth if you will). Or to put it a bit more fairly: I think, it’s easy to miss some of the nuance when reading the book and applying its principles without proper nuance. One of its cornerstones are reflections of the other party’s comments and feelings. Yet statements which are meant to display empathy can sound rather condescending. In an agitated state I might consider the following to be the verbal version of a middle finger: “Okay, so what I’m hearing is you’re angry because I broke my promise to you.” And the book is filled with such examples.

That said, NVC can be a really powerful tool if used with proper delicacy however. The idea of listening, reflecting verbally what and that you heard and then speaking from your perspective with clear markers without aggression can be a very strong way of having challenging conversations.

[WA]

I find NVC silly, because how you pronounce something matters more than the exact words used:

https://learningenglish.voanews.com/amp/a-simple-sentence-wi...