[jen729w]

It depends on the context. Just yesterday I was doing a data centre audit with a colleague, who is many years my junior, and I am her manager, and she has hardly been in a data centre. She’s also amazing by the way.

So when I see her doing a few things that I wouldn’t have done, I could have just reacted and pointed it out and told her how it should be done. For sure I wanted to, I’m an engineer!

Or I can have a bit of trust that, given a minute and a few more repetitions, she’ll get it. Which she did. And now she’s learned something, and now I’m not “that guy”, and now we have a better relationship, and so on.

I appreciate that this might not be the sort of thing you had in mind. If there’s an error in code that isn’t going away if someone doesn’t say something then, sure, say something.

[accountLost]

Yes, when possible it is better to give people time to figure out things by themselves. That's how you learn.

The question is why pointing out something wrong would have automatically damaged your relationship with her ?

Everyone can agree that making mistake is natural. Can't people learn not to get upset when being told they made one ?

One way is by exposure in an environment where the feedback is factual and without drama.

[jen729w]

I would have had no problem pointing the wrong thing out if she hadn't 'got it' herself, but I knew she would.

The thing to avoid here is being the know-it-all who tells everyone how things should be done when, given just a second, those people would figure it out anyway. Nobody likes that guy.