[wpietri]

Sorry, but I was in plenty of in-person meetings where people rambled on way too much. I also have been in plenty of remote meetings where people didn't. So I think at best this is a problem of people learning to adapt to the new technology.

As a simple example, look at the protocol for half-duplex radio channels. One says something short and then says, "over" to signal that it's the other person's turn. Is this different than how people talk in person? Sure. Does it work? Definitely.

In your shoes, I would reexamine my concept of "design discussion". My team has made plenty of design choices during the pandemic. Maybe "pitch something" and "speak persuasively" is the wrong approach now.

[dilyevsky]

Your answer is basically just use async process which was already a thing before pandemic and it sucked then

[wpietri]

That's not exactly my answer.

One of the things that I think remote work changes is that traditional power is diminished. If you are used to forcing people to have contentious discussions where you win your favored outcome, that may be the wrong framework.

After all, "design" in software is really just making a lot of small choices consistently. Arguing people into a decision is one way to get consistency, but far from the only one.

[dilyevsky]

Not really about “winning” but about having everyone on the same page. And yes you can do it async too but it’s more difficult. The result I think is more likely to evolve into either a bdfl style arrangement or everyone pulls in their own direction.

[wpietri]

I agree other ways are more difficult if you aren't used to them. And some other ways may be more difficult for you personally. But I disagree you can universalize your feelings here.

I've been part of in-person pair programming teams that had frequent pair rotation. We only rarely had meetings, and never had any formal design meetings with pitching and persuasion and whatnot. All our communications were synchronous and high bandwidth, but our design choices happened gradually and over time. It worked fine. Better, really.