| That sucks - sorry to hear you are struggling. I’ve also been there most of my life - and it got much worse over time. But if it helps, here’s what I’ve done to get a handle on it — I wish I had found this out sooner. First and foremost is to find a talk therapist who will work with you long term on helping you develop a mental mapping of your emotions to your physiology. When you are feeling an emotion, there is a corresponding physiological change throughout your body. The key here is that when you find yourself obsessing or avoiding or focusing on other people’s problems instead of your own, you will begin to notice the physical correlations in your own body. You will learn to use breathing techniques to notice your mental states. Emotions like despair, vulnerability, resentment, shame, guilt, etc all have physical correlations. As you begin to map the language of emotions to your physiology, you will begin to find ways to short-circuit these patterns through physical regulation and asserting emotional boundaries with your family. The most important aspect of this… you will discover that regulating your body and your environment is the same as regulating your mind. The harder you push your body physically, the less you will feel mentally adrift or obsessing over external information to contain your emotions. Your attentional willpower will improve in parallel to your physical confidence and you will choose to care for your self. Some other practical basic tips to self-regulate Find some activity that keeps you centered on your own body - hard exercise, yoga or physical games are best — gardening and hiking are good too. AVOID all activities where you are constantly cognitively systematizing information. As an Information Age worker, you MUST take regular breaks for 5-10 min each hour - especially when you are in the hyperfocused productive zone. Go for a walk or do some pushups or yoga. You also cannot sacrifice sleep to the obsessive mind — if you can’t sleep or don’t have the will to sleep go do some physical activity. Info Hygiene is key Delete most non-utility apps on your phone and turn on time limits/screen time. Unplug from real-time digital media in your life - especially interactive media. Email and forums are fine - but not as realtime activities - check them at 2-3 fixed times each. Reading and writing are fine - but set limits. Hope this helps. Good luck (P.S - search for Andrew Huberman Willpower on YT) |