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by Hitman666 1591 days ago
TL;DR: I don't have a solution, I'm still searching for one on my own. The story may resonate, and others that 'made it', please feel free to provide your thoughts...

I'm turning 37 this year, and had this feeling for the past 2 years, which was only amplified in the past few months. So, really, your post (and all the comments) came in really timely (when the student is ready... ). If for nothing else, then to see that I'm not alone.

Unlike you, I am married (IMHO, happily) and have two kids under the age of ten. But, contrary to most of the posts, I can't say that it instilled peace in me. If anything, it made me realize that I need to make even more money to secure their good education and set them up well on that path (don't plan to finance their life past the education part, as I think one should earn for his own luxuries, as it's the only way they could appreciate and learn the value of 'things', and the value of paying for your own stuff).

In my case, in my 20s I was in a way better shape than now. Even though I tried to get back in the game at the start of 30s and ran half marathons (10 of them in 2019) and did supersprint triathlons, I stopped dead cold in 2020 due to a not very serious injury. I'm still exercising, but my main problem for not 'being' fit as fuck is the love-hate relationship with food (and sweets in particular). It's like I'm self-sabotaging in a way. I know, weird

My problem, I think, was always setting some goal (probably not all were BHAGs, but certainly they weren't totally easy), and then working like crazy to achieve it. Most of them, if not all, I achieved. The problem? Once I attain them, I lose all interest. I think that the money part is tricky because on one hand I'm working (hi, my name is X, and I'm a workaholic) a lot to secure the $$ for my kids, and then in turn I don't spend as much time with them as I think they'd need (mind you, I grew up with financially supportive dad, but one that worked abroad and whom I saw only over the weekend - heh, Freud could probably say a thing or two on that..). Crazy twisted logic, I know. Maybe I'm just a workaholic who uses the kids part as an excuse. Maybe I too could make use of professional help (even though I can surely afford it, in my environment, that's frowned upon - maybe I need to get myself in a new environment).

Since my 30s I got into this whole 'self-help' book genre, and can't shake the feeling that most of the new ones are rehashing the ideas from before, but tailor them to the new generations. If you're into reading, Id' suggest re-reading the ones that spoke to you before. I'm a voracious reader, and I can wholeheartedly recommend The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday.

I would love to tell you that I have a solution. I don't. BUT, I'm trying - and I suggest you do the same. If money is any measure, then I'd suspect you have the discipline to not give up. Remember, comments confirm, you're not alone in this. And, to use the popular crypto abbreviation these days: WAGMI.

Take care, and I would really like to hear from you 5 years from now.

Also, sorry not sorry, for hijacking your post to also share my 'problems' - truthfully, I overshared because based on the comments I think some folks may give me another perspective as well.

Take care