| HN Mirror

Oh man, sorry to hear that. Here are some more data points about what I was doing in the 6 months before I got sick that might help:

* Glutamine every day for "gut health" (not the culprit, but I think I was self-medicating without realizing it)

* Animal Flex joint supplement (not the culprit, but I think that I was using the glucosamine-chondroitin component to heal my inflammation and gut lining so joint pain relief was just a bonus)

* Zinc gluconate multiple times per week or every day (not the culprit, but I had heard that ZMA was good years before and noticed a good bump in my workout recovery)

* Whey protein powder (almost certain that this was not the culprit, any brand, but the ones containing casein are hard on me and may have set off my initial digestive issues)

* BCAAs (almost certainly not the culprit, any brand, this is the best recovery aid that I've found after whey if taken immediately after a workout)

* Pre-workout (almost certainly not the culprit, any brand, but my burnout did coincide with drinking up to 3-4 cups of coffee some days at work and then a pre-workout at night before the gym)

* Bean burritos with onions and peppers every day (main culprit, I think that my food sensitivity to legumes coincided with S&W discontinuing pinquitos sometime around 2015, then I switched to pinto beans which are much harder on the gut and almost certainly GMO today, I see that S&W has pinquito heirloom beans on Amazon now that I'll try)

* Whole wheat bread (main culprit, I'm unable to eat several whole grains now, even oatmeal, unless they are gluten free, I believe that herbicides in the husk triggered it and that everyone is vulnerable to this one)

* Almond butter (main culprit, I was trying to eat less meat and it backfired spectacularly, see the Vertical Diet by Stan Efferding to learn how diets go wrong in the health and fitness world and leave older lifters only able to eat ground beef and rice)

That's all the physical side. I realize now after going through a healing and growth process during the pandemic that I had multiple opportunities to correct my course, but I ignored them before I was "woke":

* Due to multiple traumas over the course of my life, I had learned to turn off my feelings entirely (main culprit, I just took it and it in many jobs and relationships, without communicating or setting boundaries)

* Even when under crushing feelings of burnout, which I now realize is severe anxiety and a shut down response when the mind and body don't know what else to do, I forced myself to keep going to work and the gym (main culprit, I needed rehab on my injuries and nutrition before doubling down on more work)

* I didn't go to the doctor, because I was embarrassed that I let my life get so out of control, so I just worked harder and harder and ignored my health (main culprit, my life had become the movie Bright Lights, Big City and I was putting everything off indefinitely)

Writing this out, it's almost kind of funny because it would be easy to diagnose someone if they came to me with this list. The main culprit for me seems to be that I didn't prioritize my health, like ever, until it failed. Keep in mind that my work capacity at this point was tremendous. I was working 40-45 hours per week and going to the gym 5 times per week for massive 1.5 hour split workouts and eating 4000+ calories per day. I started breaking out really bad and getting joint paint and GI distress, but just kept acting like everything was normal.

If anyone is in this boat and their health isn't working anymore, I'd highly recommend a full reboot, getting away for a few weeks and setting your ego aside. Meditate on your specific injuries and identify what's hurting in the body. Then address those injuries directly. You might need to go to a holistic or eastern medicine specialist because western medicine often misses secondary or multiple causes. I'd prescribe:

* Take 2 weeks off from work, gym, and other obligations like family

* Drink the maximum amount of water per day you're allowed, and give your kidneys and other organs a rest (at least a gallon)

* Abstain from all supplements, possibly even a multivitamin (listen to your body's cravings and feed it what it needs)

* Switch from nutrient-dense foods to nutrient-sparse foods, so eat leafy greens instead of peas, pumpkin seed granola instead of eggs, baked chicken and rice instead of steak, etc (stop stoking your boiler for a while so it can heal)

* Get your testosterone, thyroid and other hormones checked (that much muscle loss sounds hormonal, also, my weight has fluctuated that much and it does come back in a few weeks/months so take heart that it's probably going to be ok)

* Move your body for the sake of movement, do stretching/yoga, dance, or just walk (spirit communicates with our reality through movement, that's how reading signs and Tarot work, I added this because lack of woo-woo is what made me sick because I was dead inside)

Edit: one last thing was ashwagandha, I took it for 3 months recently and it seems to have repaired something with my digestion and took my mood from a 2-4 to a 7-8 consistently with no other changes. I still have the afterglow of the energy boost a month after tapering off and stopping. If anyone does this, be sure to check in with a friend or doctor so that you don't accidentally take it too long and hurt yourself.