[apatil]

When I was 35, I could have written the OP's post almost verbatim. I'm 42 now and, despite having spent two years working intentionally on the problem, am still in a similar place on the whole.

Several solutions to the OP's predicament are being advanced with a fair amount of force, and I'm finding that I don't really believe any of them. I do believe that the advice is being offered honestly and in good faith. It's also clearly a good idea to cultivate healthy habits, stay active and meet people. However, I have tried many potential solutions myself and have encountered many false summits, and the tone of the most forceful advice here matches things I would have said to myself when I was camping on them. When I imagine myself taking the advice, I can easily see myself living through the familiar progression of triumph, doubt and disillusionment.

Maybe some of us are just wired for shame, loneliness and regret, and are searching for our safe harbor (to mix in another metaphor) where we won't have to struggle or prove ourselves anymore. That thought counterintuitively makes me feel a bit better. It gives me a reason to not feel ashamed and regretful _about_ feeling ashamed and regretful, and it reifies a system that, whether or not it's the work of humans, is clearly oppressive, which creates the opportunity to find meaning in resisting it.

[digianarchist]

Internet advice is just that, advice. Sometimes given from experience, often repeated with good intentions.

There are no “12 rules for life” because we didn’t come off the conveyor belt in some factory. We’re variable creatures and the solutions to our personal problems require tailored solutions.

See a therapist. They’ll do more good than reading the posts here.