[hutzlibu]

"I don't think it is her. I think it is me"

A marriage/family is a system, where it is seldom helpful to just point fingers and assign blame to one party.

So I think it is you both. You both have a problem and the fights over upgrades in the house are probably just surrogates for something different. Couples therapy is a thing, but so is a real vaccation, that can have the same result.

But maybe you also just need a vacation alone. To meet new people.