[jancsika]

> The thought process is something like “well I hold myself to a high (but maybe poorly defined and changing) standard, so why not hold those in my life to that same standard!?”

Seems like a lot hinges on your parenthetical.

If Bob has a well-defined and consistent standard that works for him, what's wrong with filtering Eve out of his life with it?

[whatshisface]

Wrong cosmically? Nothing, prejudice is a self-punishing mistake. Wrong for Bob? Well, he's lost a friend and not gained anything.

[zwkrt]

Oh no of course we should all be discerning. But TFA talks about pinning self-esteem to the outcomes of projects in the world. I was describing a situation i saw where an individual’s “projects” were their close relationships. People are not projects to be worked on.