| "they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." Welcome to becoming a mature adult in the real world! It's true, as people age they become gringey dorks. And you may be surprised... It happens even to people who don't work in tech. I participate in a few communities that have little or nothing to do with tech, and they're still filled with awkward characters searching for connection too. Sure, there are people in their 30's still partying and leading the lifestyles of the young and beautiful. But, maybe those people are still doing that because they haven't grown much since their early 20's. And if you haven't found focus in life beyond "being cool" and drinking and socializing by the time you're in your mid 40's, that lifestyle starts to be a pretty cringey look of its own. Maturing emotionally means becoming more guarded and picky. You and the people around you have lived in the world, become invested in your own ways of living, and taken damage from the ups and downs of life. It's never again going to be as easy as being 20 something in a room full of 20-somethings who all want to meet each other right now. But, there's also the chance for connection beyond what's possible at a party with "laughing, kicking and screaming" full of people who closely match your demographic. Ask people what their lives are about, people usually like talking about themselves. You'll get them to open up and you'll learn new things. Let things take time and be willing to let friendships form on a timescale more like months or years rather than days or weeks. Not so much to your original point, but you mentioned "quitting the career"... If you're sick of tech, start on your second career. Even if you're not super confident, pick something that seems doable and pursue it. It will be exciting and rewarding and you will re-experience the feeling of joyous surprise you once felt when learning tech. You have time for this and can afford this easily since you're making tech job money and it sounds like you have time for weekend/evening/intensive classes. And you will meet a new batch of people. I've been in a program where I've taken a number of classes with the same group, and it's been a great way to get to know some new friends. No reason to be scared because you don't have to "quit the career". Tech will take you back if your other thing doesn't work. You can learn a new thing and switch back and forth. Or you can do both part time. |