[burner-acc-123]

Sounds like you're in a lot of pain from the meaninglessness and the loneliness. Let the pain happen. Don't get on pills, dont get too drunk or stoned, dont get too wrapped up in work, just sit with the feelings. They'll tell you what you need to know.

I would say, don't be too hard on yourself. Yeah, you're lonely, your job is monotonous and unstimulating. That's real, that's what it is, and that's ok. You're really not having fun. Just be honest with yourself and that will make the burden lighter.

Get yourself sorted. The happiest people I know listened to Stefan Molyneux for years. If I were you I would listen to him for a couple of years.

It's time to feel the pain... No way around it. All the answers are probably not going to please you. Maybe you'll have to make some sacrifices. Just listen to yourself, be honest with yourself, and get yourself sorted.