[greggman3]

this will be controversial on HN but many non USA cultures, specially asian, the people you work with are your friends. You go out drinking with them 2-3 times a week after work. You celebrate with them on weekends etc...

So many people on HN have the attitude that making friends at work is something to actively avoid but there's another way to look at it. You're going to be spending 40hrs a week, ~2000hrs a year with these people. If you make them friends that's 2000 hours a year or more spending time with friends. If you don't make them friends well, then ... I can only guess that ~2000hrs a year is less enjoyable that it could be.

Yes, some of those relationships are shallow. I have coworkers who I really seemed to hit it off with at work but once I left we stop contacting each other. OTOH, My 4 closest friends are x-coworkers. I was best man at one's wedding and attended the 3 others.

I often consider if I should give up a FAAMG salary to be in a small 10 person company where they are all friends, we share our lives outside work too, but I get paid 1/5th to 1/6th what I make now. I know 50+ people living that life and they seem pretty dang happy. That doesn't mean you can't have both but for some reason I get the impression it's easier at smaller companies or at least smaller groups.

[wenc]

My closest friendships were my grad school friends. We were all working on different topics so there was no competition. On the contrary, there was a sense of questing -- we were trying to tackle difficult unsolved problems. We would be in the office till midnight -- catching the last bus at 1 am -- and working out ideas on the chalkboard. We would celebrate after exams, go to conferences together etc.

I'd often imagined this was the kind of environment that existed in places like Bell Labs.

[paulryanrogers]

Investing all social energy in current coworkers can make a job change awkward. In 2021 I had 3 different sets of coworkers. All lived and worked remote, hours away.

[hiptobecubic]

Why do you expect that you'll be good friends with your team at a small company if you can't find a team at a large one?

[greggman3]

that's my experience having worked at both. Camaraderie is easier in smaller groups. Larger companies have teams but various parts of the larger organization put a damper on getting as close. For example all the obligations to the company outside your team. Those same obligations don't exist at the small companies I've worked at. Also having so many people around that aren't the team.