[bayesianbot]

This might sound strange but I'm autistic and first time I really noticed something was "wrong" was when I started school, met new people and noticed that all the adults and children think in a really different way - in my mind they couldn't explain their actions or thoughts logically, and it made no sense to me why they were fine with it. Why were they happy to have a conversation where I found a gaping hole in their logic and.. just go on with their lives without exploring it further? I always had a meltdown if I was asked to do something that could not be logically explained to me, and questioned my parents and peers for day or weeks if I learned some things about the world that nobody could completely explain. It felt like I was accidentally born on wrong planet with different species with completely different thought processes that I couldn't understand.

[mherrmann]

It's very interesting. Some of the things my girlfriend described really highlight how weird we neurotypicals are and act. From many social norms and conventions to empathy, a lot of what we do only seems to make sense in the historic or evolutionary context, but not actually in the moment when you think about it. It really does feel like different species. I have no data but suspect people on the spectrum should get along great with other people on the spectrum; You just have the disadvantage that you are in the minority and seem to not be well-understood by society.

[benjaminRRR]

It's interesting, as I have this conversation with my kids - ie actually let them know, there's actually no good reason for this, it's just a societal rule. However, I then try to explain that it is often advantageous to follow these rules even if it doesn't seem to make any sense, because of the advantages you can get by being cohesive in society. It's a good exercise, and also helps me think, there really are some dumb rules, and the calculus is weighing up when to disregard them.

[bayesianbot]

That is exactly what I wish my parents did with me (my meltdowns usually started after few answers of "It's a tradition/rule") and what I do with my kid. I think for me growing up one of the most important person was my 5-6th grade teacher who instead of punishing me for doing something wrong actually took the time to understand me and tell me the logic behind why I shouldn't do it - so now instead of being punished for some specific silly reason I couldn't understand, I could get a better understanding of society and apply that logic to a wider spectrum of situations. And he understood that if he just explains me stuff like that there's no reason to punish me as it won't happen again anyways.

[solarmist]

I never really had the "meltdowns" that I hear about autistic people, unless particularly bad temper tantrums when I was 2-5 years old count, but I also agonized about how little sense "social rules" made. I would spend a lot of time pondering and thinking about these things.

So I completely get this and empathize.

[serverholic]

I don't have meltdowns either but I do get unreasonably upset about stuff that seems illogical to me.

[solarmist]

Sure. I remember feeling this way when playing video games until I was 13-14. Getting so frustrated I wanted to throw the controller and punch stuff.

The fact I don't get this anymore is probably from the trauma(?) of parentification I went through growing up.