[tayo42]

yeah i feel this way already, at 31, starting to really feel options closing, and realizing how insignificant a lot of decisions were in the end I wish I did more with my 20s some how (not like i had a lot of money to do much with anyway)

[xyzzyz]

When you’re young, you have time and energy, but you have no money.

Then, you have money and energy, but no time to enjoy these.

Finally, you retire, and have money and time, but the energy is gone.

Such is life.

[altdataseller]

What options do you feel are closing?

[tayo42]

I think the window of opportunity to keep traveling and exploring is closing fast, life's milestones are pretty much happening soon, buying a home, getting married and starting a family. I don't think Ill ever get a chance to live in another country besides the US, even for a short period of time. I probably should settle down at some point instead of constantly leaving friendships behind.

At this point its pretty clear I'll never advance as far as I would like in my physical hobbies without sacrificing a lot in my other aspects of life.

Food and cooking is something I can't really explore beyond a interest and just being an eater. I think this ties back to travel too.

There are a lot of things that are really tied up in academia. I got pretty interested in philosophy of mind last year but my enthusiasm died pretty quickly when I realized there is really no where for me to take this hobby other then satisfying my own curiosity. Somewhat similar in programming, more paths seem unobtainable. I don't think I'll ever do something like work on operating systems, anything that intersects with electronics or cutting edge. I don't have the education or even a way to test the waters. This ties back to before with life's milestones, I don't know if i feel comfortable about a risky career switch when Im making tons doing what I am already.

thats off the top of my head

[SoldShort22]

Please don't sell yourself short. Yes, your window of opportunity is closing at 31. But don't miss the forest for the trees: you still have a huge window.

I always had an interest in traveling and was able to do some travel in my 20s and 30s, but nowhere near the amount that I had dreamed of. A trip at age 38 made me realize just how important seeing the world was to me and I left the US the same year. I have been living abroad ever since.

I've met expats who have been living abroad since their 20s and 30s, and others who didn't leave until their 40s, 50s and 60s. And I know plenty of people who have spent even 1-3 years abroad and are now back home and they are different people (in a good way I think) because of those years.

31 is a perfect age to do many things, including live abroad. If you're "making tons", you have more options to do this than many people. The only thing stopping you is yourself. If you want to do something, "just do it". There will never be a perfect moment, and you'll never be 100% comfortable before you take the plunge.

[tayo42]

Thanks! Yeah there's still some chance I guess but it seems to be harder to figure out how to every day. At the same time Idk how I feel about continuing to keep pushing back the other things in my life (especially with a biological clock ticking). Not sure which sacrifices are the right ones to make.

[SoldShort22]

I'd suggest there are no right or wrong sacrifices when it comes to these kinds of matters. You have to decide what you want most and go for that, and find a way to not dwell on the path you didn't take.

In terms of a biological clock, nothing prevents you from meeting someone, falling in love, and starting a family if you live overseas. Lots of expats meet partners and in many places, you'll find that a lot of expats with residency are married to locals.

[ip26]

You can’t explore food and cooking? What are you talking about? You have to eat. So If you want to cook, then cook! One year is more than a thousand meals to develop your skill. It’s a fantastic interest to piece into a life of other things.

[tayo42]

Heh yeah it sounds nonsensical like that. Ill explain! I mean going beyond average home cooking. Exploring cuisines and history of other cultures. Think more like tied to traveling. Like during the covid lock downs I spent a lot of time learning thai and sichuan cuisines as much as I could. I don't think without actually visiting those places, and spending time there to be immersed, talking to chefs I can never say I really know those cuisines. I cant even reliably get the ingredients in the US.

Also I cant really go train with top chefs in the world and get feedback and learn. Home cooking is a hard thing to share besides glamouring up things for like instagram. I can cook pretty well, probably put together a better meal then most local restaurants, but there's still a large gap between what I can cook and some of the places Ive eaten at just in technique and espcially creativity. I don't think I can close that gap.

[ip26]

I cant really go train with top chefs in the world and get feedback and learn.

Sabbatical + paid course

Home cooking is a hard thing to share

Invite friends over for dinner!

I don't think I can close that gap.

Those are people who dedicate their whole life to cooking & built a whole business, they are literally the pros. Don’t get down on yourself.

P.S. Thai basil grows great in hydroponics

[tayo42]

Yeah but there are trade offs to these, taking a sabbatical might mean pushing off owning a home or starting a family, or moving out of this apartment that I dont like living in. Or not travelling as much as i would like or advancing in other hobbies.

> they are literally the pros.

But the chances for me to pursue something like that is disappearing.

I need to be more selective about what is important, those other doors and paths in life are closing.