[ppod]

Some of his writing in this reminds me a lot of David Foster Wallace (who is mentioned), in particular the way he is deeply concerned with seeming humble but feeling egotistical: self-consciously projecting humility but being aware of the humility as a kind of affectation in a recursive and tortuous cycle of self-awareness.

[borski]

I relate to this so much. The very odd “aggrandizing” that is so often necessary for starting and running a company, coupled with my massive impostor syndrome that is just never going to go away at this point, is a very very hard cognitive dissonance to manage. I’ve done it, and will do it again, but it makes me squirm on the inside.

[HumanReadable]

Do you have any advice or wise words on how you manage this?

I find myself in a leadership position, but I feel immensely uncomfortable when directing others. In my head there's always a nagging voice that replies 'who are you to tell us what to do?'

[borski]

The sibling comments nailed it, but in short: be authentic. I readily admit to my employees when I am confused, ask for their help when needed, and am as transparent as reasonably possible. In general, we make decisions by consensus (though not always, as some cases necessitate that). I freely admit they are better than me at many things, as that was literally the point of hiring them. My job, in turn, is to ensure they can do theirs spectacularly and with minimal annoyance and maximal happiness. Being a glorified 'shit umbrella' can get lonely, so it's important to find other folks to talk to about it (ideally that are unrelated to the company you work for).

Most importantly: arbitrary decisions will kill your team. If you cannot answer the question "why?" with something other than "because I said so," or worse, "because management said so," you are in for a world of trouble. To build loyalty and get your team to follow you into pretty much any 'battle,' get your hands dirty, fight on their behalf (but this requires knowing what they care about), and help them improve and grow. That is the job of a good manager.

Everything else is secondary.

[justinpowers]

Seems to me the best leader might be someone who forever feels uncomfortable and uses that positively (eg asking for advice, promoting/delegating to betters, expressing gratitude, admitting mistakes, giving due credit) rather than negatively. A leader without discomfort suggests an unchecked ego…a recipe for eventual disaster no matter how long the good times (if any) may last.

[mr90210]

Prior to reading your comment, I had not been aware of such feeling.

I aspire to be in a leadership position in the future. However, right now let me tell you why and how I would like to be led or directed by somebody:

- You give me space to voice my opinions as if I am a specialist in the subject; - You give me space to make mistake and learn from them; - You are willing to admit that you don't know a certain topic; - You carry about your own self-development; - You are willing to support me on areas where I lack knowledge or experience without judging; - You often show that you care about the people in the team, and whether we are doing what matters; - You deal with me as the adult that I am, and you are open to have difficult conversations with empathy about topics such as: under-performance, misfit, interpersonal conflicts, or even about letting me go (firing);

"who are you to tell us what to do"

Well, you are the human capable of trusting each member of your team of doing the best they can, and capable of sitting with them when things are not working.

[peakaboo]

Good leaders don't "tell people what to do" exactly. It's more of a "this is something we as a group must focus on because of reason x".

I'm a new leader of sorts myself and all I do is looking at a Roadmap to see what is important, figure out what my team needs to do and ask people which parts they would like to work on (although some people are better suited for certain tasks, and that's your job to know that by knowing your team).

I don't put myself on any kind of high horse. I'm still hands on myself too, doing work just like everyone else.

If your ego starts to tell you that you are somehow better than any people, you will not be a good leader.