[teakettle42]

> This feels really weird to me. My whole point in the piece was that non-Autistic people shouldn't be given unilateral leave to talk over and in place of Autistic people, but that's exactly what you're doing.

You're literally giving yourself leave to "talk over and in place of" a "severely autistic" child, and their care-giving parent.

This is a parent concerned over "who will take care of my son when I'm gone."

Do you really believe that by arguing "Severe Autism" vs. "High Support Needs", you're improving their situation, improving general state of discourse, or even raising an issue that matters at all relative to their serious concern?

> Of course you do, and you seem like a parent who is invested in their kid's future. Thank you.

This is inappropriate and patronizing. You're not in a position to approve, disapprove, or thank a parent on behalf of their autistic child.

> All I'm asking is that you take the time to listen to Autistic adults, as well.

As an now-adult who was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism, all I'm asking is that you take the time to listen to other Autistic adults when we strenuously disagree with your using a DSM diagnosis, which we just so happen to share, as some sort of bludgeon to police and coerce other people's words and behavior.

[mbilokonsky]

With respect:

1. I'm not talking over anyone. I'm expressing that I found the use of the phrase 'severe autism' in a response to an article explaining why 'there is no severe autism' to be a problematic use of language that felt disrespectful to me. I'm allowed to have feelings about the words people use, and the author expressly stated that he was trying to be respectful so I wanted to provide the feedback that I didn't perceive it that way.

2. I absolutely understand that this is a parent concerned over "who will take care of my son when I'm gone". Let me ask you this: what does that question have to do with the essay? The point this parent was making is that the essay shouldn't be listened to because the reality on the ground is that it's too hard to be careful of language when you need to communicate urgency. That's a take, but it's one I disagree with it. That's fine.

3. Thanking a parent for being invested in their kid's future isn't patronizing or inappropriate. Many parents of Autistic kids aren't. I was speaking sincerely, and if you're reading sarcasm or passive aggression in my tone I'd suggest you reflect on what you know about Autistic tone and stop projecting onto me.

4. I can't control anyone's words or behavior. All I said was that I found the comment disrespectful. That's not me forcing anyone to change, and far, far worse has been said to me in these comments.

I can see that I've upset you, but I'd like to suggest that you're reading things into my words that aren't there and projecting interpretations that I don't intend. Thank you.

[teakettle42]

> I'm expressing that I found the use of the phrase 'severe autism' in a response to an article explaining why 'there is no severe autism' to be a problematic use of language that felt disrespectful to me.

What does "problematic" mean here, exactly?

As for "disrespectful"; how is it disrespectful of anything other than your opinion? Why is your opinion deserving of more respect, here? You do not have "severe autism" and cannot speak from their child's experience; if anything, it's disrespectful to pretend that you have more authority on the subject than the actual parent and caregiver.

> 2. I absolutely understand that this is a parent concerned over "who will take care of my son when I'm gone". Let me ask you this: what does that question have to do with the essay? ... That's a take, but it's one I disagree with it. That's fine.

What moral or intellectual authority do you have to dictate the appropriate conversations people may independently have in response to your essay?

You're welcome to disagree, in which case you can post a rebuttal. Moral disapproval is not effective disagreement.

> 3. Thanking a parent for being invested in their kid's future isn't patronizing or inappropriate. Many parents of Autistic kids aren't. I was speaking sincerely, and if you're reading sarcasm or passive aggression in my tone I'd suggest you reflect on what you know about Autistic tone and stop projecting onto me.

In this context, it implies you have standing as a recipient or beneficiary of their actions, such that you're in a position to express or deny them your gratitude.

If you don't see why that's inappropriate, I'd "suggest you reflect on what you know" about the social expression of gratitude, and consider why expressing gratitude for something very personal to someone else — and entirely external to yourself — could be an inappropriate, patronizing co-opting of what they've shared.

> 4. I can't control anyone's words or behavior. All I said was that I found the comment disrespectful.

You're certainly trying to, by claiming a form of moral authority instead of using reasoned debate to convince other people of the validity of your point of view.

You've disagreed with me across the board, and used terminology I find offensive when applied to me — why is that not disrespectful by your own metric? If I told you "that's disrespectful", would it convince you of my position? If we both say "that's disrespectful", do we have to toss a coin to decide who wins?

[mbilokonsky]

Ok, thanks, I'll reflect on this.

[teakettle42]

Thanks, I'll reflect as well.