[JohnBooty]

When writing that sentence, I had hoped it would be clear that I (a) was describing my naive childhood perspective and (b) was employing some lighthearted hyperbole.

I also hoped that the second paragraph would really drive that home, sans subtlety.

("Maybe they'll even think it's funny," I dreamed)

I therefore chose not to insult the reader by further clarifying that she was a pretty regular-ass person, not some kind of magical exotic creature. We were friends for quite a few years and folks tend not to be friends with weirdos that fetishize them.

I even heard her fart once (which would have really confirmed her non-ethereal nature) but she swore it was her seat making some kind of noise so let's give her the benefit of the doubt.