[randy909]

Stop the head thumping or any physical punitive action no matter how light. You might have to restrain her at some point but that's different. The only thing you're teaching with those actions is "violence solves problems" and you will see her hit other children and you a lot more as a result. Walk away, put her down, tell her you don't like it when she does that, take the juice away, etc. Don't thump.

I like to think "what would I do in this situation if this were an adult?" and respond accordingly. If you hit someone for spitting in your face you'd end up in jail. Is that the behavior you want to model? I don't understand why we think it's OK to treat kids that way. Violence is violence in my book.

Edit: You MUST learn to set boundaries without violence. A lot of bad parenting stems from our own upbringing where boundaries were set with violence so we don't know how to set them in other ways. Many of us just end up not setting any boundaries at all rather than use violence which can end very very badly with a boundary-pushing child. Learn to say "no" and stick to it at least some of the time (and flex when they negotiate well). I've gotten a ton of mileage out of taking away part of TV time if they act poorly or refuse to contribute to chores.