[jwedgwood]

>> Matters of face, allegiances, and frankly who's in a bad mood on what day determine outcomes as often as logic.

This is so true. Matters of face can spiral out of control easily. I think you handled this specific one with real dexterity.

One related thing from my own experience - As groups grow you tend to get moments where the community norms that everyone took for granted can't be assumed anymore.

It always starts with a single person operating outside those norms. You're faced with the question of whether you have a one-off situation, or a systemic problem (of which this one moment is just the first inkling). Knowing which approach is the right one seems like it's frequently gut feel, but then again, if you know that you are going to need process or guidelines soon, you can use see those moments as an opportunity to get things right before you get bigger problems later.