[raducu]

I used to work about 4 hours a day, sometimes not at all and felt terrible inside about myself.

Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Concerta. The focus is not what I want, but the reduction of impulsivity is doing wonders.

I started seeing the incompetent, manipulative and rude pieces of shit colleagues that I kept attracting (because of self immage and guilt) and that kept leaching on my time, interrupting me when it was obvious I had nothing to do with their problem(I do backend stuff and a coeague insisted I help her fix frontend stuff that doesn't work after the frontend did a deploy, the same for another system).

I realize how I tolerated bullshit from low level management,how I caved in to their frowns and how I turned into their saviour tech wizard which only compounded my problem.

How I tollerated their endless ramblings in meetings upon meetings where they decided nothing or bitterly protected their vagueness to kafquesques proportions.

How I tollerated other peoples indecision and became indecisive myself, because I thought I could not do stuff without them.

How I've ignored my own emotions and needs and played it all logical when people were playing emotional games.

And now with my impulsivity under control, I work a lot longer and stress free, because I can control my impulses so I'm not affraid to answer ironically but still professionally to an agressive email, or to say "guys I have no taks" ... "guys, I asked you for a task yesterday and guess what, I got it by telling your superior that I asked for work and you did not have any, he was delighted to get me in contact with this product owner who has a full backlog".

This makes me so glad and so sad at the same time. This explains why other people were cold and "mean" to these people.

[xupybd]

How did you find out you had ADHD?

I often suspect I have something along the lines of ADHD or Dyslexia ( very mild ) but have no idea how to look into it. I've done a few online tests but end up very border line on most.

[raducu]

It was a long journey and my ADHD is not that severe so perhaps that's why it took so long.

I took hard stimulants before I even contemplated I had ADHD, I treated them just like brain steroids (which I don't advice anybody does).

The first time a psychiatrist offered an ADHD questionair was when I was diagnosed with BPD (mostly resolved since, in part due to age and in part psychotherapy and in parth ADHD treatment) because 25% of people diagnosed with BPD also have ADHD. I really doubted myself and I got a score of 6/9 on both inattentiveness and impulsivity and the psychiatrisy said I needed 7/9 but she was willing to prescribe concerta or atomoxetine (I can't remember which) but I stupidly declined since I had access to hard stimulants and I did not see the benefit at the time.

I gave up illegal stimulants after my daughter was born but I kept using modafinil and nicotine as a cruth whenever shit got real at work; my psychoterapist kept asking me why I don't want to see a psychiatrist colleague of hers that's open minded about ADHD.

Eventually I did, and to my surprise the psychiatrist did a very thorough interview and concluded I most certainly do have ADHD and prescribed Concerta.

I still doubt I have ADHD sometimes, until I take a break from the meds, that's when reality kicks in and I'm sure I have ADHD again :)

[distrill]

same, and i feel dirty asking about it because if you don't have ADHD you're basically just asking about getting speed

[raducu]

What would be so dirty asking for speed?

I did strong stimulants, and while I 100% agree there are even regular people who can get addicted, and people who should not be taking stimulants period (schizophrenia), and that I may be an exception, and all that, but as long as the stimulant is taken orally and at therapeutic dosage, there's nothing wrong with stimulants.

If you don't have ADHD and take stimulants exactly as instructed by a psychiatrist mostly nothing bad will happej (you will get speedy a few times, start a few mega projects, clean your house, and after a while realize you shouldn't believe your stimulant self's has only good ideas).

You could also keep a job that's not for you because stimulants make even boring jobs seem interesting.

But you won't turn into a crackhead just because you take stimulants exactly as instructed by a doctor.

[sundvor]

Concerta is a godsend, so is actually discovering you've got ADHD - as answers on what was "wrong" with you your whole life will be found.

I would encourage the OP to investigate this; the hyper focused mind can achieve greatness once finally in the groove. Finding this flow state can be very hard.

The meds work. As does eg weightlifting. I've been far more successful since I spent the equivalent of a highest end smartphone on a fully barbell kitted garage gym.