[Aella]

Article author here (also I wrote that article a while ago and I don't remember if it's good or not)

In the China example, I'd guess there's other factors. Women do tend to compete and men tend to be choosers in some circumstances; the 'women as selectors' thing is a result of certain conditions that are super common, but not absolutely true always.

My dominant hypothesis here is maybe that "dating" in asian cultures is a prerequisite to something that benefits the woman over the man (e.g., more likely to end in marriage than sex). It's common to see this in very conservative cultures where sex before marriage is strictly forbidden; what a guy can look forward to going on a date is finding a woman to settle down with, which is less advantageous to him than in western cultures where he can have sex without commitment.

[csa]

> It's common to see this in very conservative cultures where sex before marriage is strictly forbidden; what a guy can look forward to going on a date is finding a woman to settle down with, which is less advantageous to him than in western cultures where he can have sex without commitment.

Hmmm… interesting hypothesis, possibly directionally correct, but the details are off by quite a bit imho.

1. Neither China nor Japan are particularly conservative about sex, specifically in terms of sex before marriage.

2. The issue about what the hoped for outcome with dating is closer to accurate, but with caveats. If people, especially relatives, know about the date, then there will be non-stop pressure about marriage. Sometimes that pressure is hopeful and positive, and sometimes it is critical and negative. If it’s more of an anonymous date (in that family are in the dark), very common in the larger cities like Tokyo or Osaka, then there is much less pressure from family and (sometimes) friends.

3. Sex without commitment is trivially easy in both Japan and China, especially in cities. One has to pass the relatively low threshold of the woman’s anti-slut defense (hate to use this “red pill” term, but this is exactly what it is), which is usually as simple as treating the woman with at least a modicum of respect.

4. A lot of single women in Japan and China have two goals in dating. The first is the potential to meet someone who will provide them with equal or greater status than they currently have. Often time this is a very high barrier, since being an office worker or business owner while having minimal living expenses while living at home can be a pretty posh life. Second, when they realize that the pool of well-off, nice, fun men is relatively small, they start seeking sex dates more aggressively (and sometimes surreptitiously due to family).

5. From the guy’s side, dating can be tricky. Dating that leads to a path of marriage can get very expensive very quickly (courting, weddings, marriage, and kids can all be very expensive). Dating for sex/companionship is doable for the guys who are good at it, but there is that small issue of where. Again, casual dating can get expensive quickly. People get creative, and if you’ve lived in Japan or China you probably know what I’m talking about, but there’s nothing easy about it. Rarely as easy as bringing a woman back to your place, which is very common in the US.

[darkengine]

I definitely think you are on to something. However, while I don't know about China, in Japan I do know that premarital sex is not stigmatized and even first-date sex is not unheard of. It's true that marriage is seen as a benefit to women in Japanese society (women face severe career barriers in Japan), however I am hesitant to paint it in terms of "women date/provide sex just so they can get married," given not only their attendance at matching events, but also the prevalence of host clubs, yumejoshi, and other symbols of female sexuality that don't seem to be as common in the West. Women don't get anything out of that type of thing other than fun.