[wonderwonder]

It appears we live much of the same life. I work 3 to 4 hours a day at best, and part of that is the standup. Wife works hard for 8+ hours a day and makes a third of my salary. I want to be productive but I just cant seem to do more hours than that. Even those hours of work are broken up.

"his mental state comes with an inability to use the rest of the work day. I spend it procrastinating - which is actually more tiring than working for whatever reason"

I feel the same way. Difference is I actually really like my employer and I still cant focus for more than a few hours a day.

[noduerme]

My regular work is similar. Some days I don't work at all. At most, 3-4 hours. But I think this is because nothing I'm working on is particularly urgent. I'm well ahead of deadlines.

When I really get into my own side projects in code, the last of which I got heavily into about six months ago, I literally forget to eat or sleep and can go on 24-hour marathons - compulsively, without intending to, because I need to make something work. When there is a once-a-year crisis on my regular job, the same thing applies. It's actually beyond my control.

I wish I could harness that level of motivation to e.g. take on 3x as many clients and expand my studio, but just thinking about that makes me shut down. I feel lazy when I spend a whole day reading news sites or something... or even engaging in hobbies like music. But I don't want the burden of 3x as much work that I have to do. I earn low six figures and it seems enough.

[BirdieNZ]

You should learn a bit about adult ADHD and see if it sounds like you, and perhaps get a psychiatrist to see if you match an ADHD diagnosis. It changed my life to find out I was ADHD, and what you said has some correlation.

[2-718-281-828]

of course, the obligatory thing to consider is AD(H)D - which I do suffer from. anyway - interesting that you "really like your employer". do you also like the product and the work environment? looking back though it didn't seem to matter much for my productivity either. liking my employer can even complicate things further because then I feel guilt.

[wonderwonder]

I do like the product. Issue might be that I see no value in what I do, the work I am doing is not going to change the world or make it a better place. I have felt this way about every job I have ever had. It will leave no lasting mark. I would love to leave tech but unfortunately the salary acts as golden handcuffs. I essentially waste 8 hours a day sitting on a chair consuming internet garbage and its somewhat soul destroying.

[seb1204]

Why not work on some public software project in your 'spare' time?

[wonderwonder]

Honestly I just don't have the motivation. Having to do what little work I do drains me. Its not that I am lazy, I will work 90 hour weeks full on cranking if there is an emergency and the success of the project hangs on it its just that I really don't like what I do for a living and it drains the will and happiness from my soul. I don't mean to be dramatic but that's what it feels like but I like the money. I think my goal is to save up a year of expenses this year and then just build something on my own. Going to tackle something like web3 or build something that I would like to use. Mainly I just want to be motivated.

[2-718-281-828]

I don't have the energy anymore for that. I'm 37 - that's 50%.

[BingoAhoy]

This isn't unique to coders. Various successful writers have also reported the same issue. They only have a few super productive hours a day.