[clubsoda]

Similar position as myself in 2017. I recently graduate college and got a job as a software developer at a top 10 college. While the job was great, my boss was not. This led me into a psychotic depression and eventually surfaced my underlying OCD to the extremes.

Almost five years later, I am doing much better. I found the right medicine (sertraline) after a long year of mixing and matching medicine to curve my OCD. However, I feel like I haven't fully recovered. I still question almost about every feeling, thought and action. Intrusive thoughts are an every day occurrence. I have brain fog, thoughts are scattered, constant noise in my head, and somehow developed tinnitus in the midst of all this chaos.

I look back at what I was able to achieve, and keep using that as a goalpost. I get upset with myself that I am not at that level performance. I am getting to the point where I am learning to accept life for what it is, and not "looking in the rear view mirror".