[burntoutfire]

> All i dream of to make a contribution and make an impact > I’m thinking my (dead) grandparents would be embarrassed of me being such a loser

Herein lies the problem. Target smaller goals, even smallest one in the beginning. It will help you get unstuck. I.e. - want to be helpful? Volunteer to walk dogs at the shelter. The dogs will be happy and you'll be doing something useful instead of nothing. (not to mention dogs are just so naturally loving and grateful creatures that even just being around them can help you unclench).

BTW, the dog shelter is just an example. It would be ideal for you to pick up work in a direction you already fell some pull towards. I.e. - would you like to see some improvements in your neighborhood/city? - get involved in local community policits. Would you like to see improvements in an open source project you're using? - start contributing. Etc.