| PART 1: _"Im not achieving anything, no matter how hard i try"_
_"I’m regretting that i didn’t use the time to achieve something meaningful"_
_"All i dream of to make a contribution and somehow make an impact"_ Could it be that your sense of achievement is attached to an outcome/impact (not the process), and the sense of meaning is closely attached to the success of that outcome? _"I have money, but i’m miserable and unhappy"_
_"I feel ashamed of being that guy who is always depressed, angry and sad"_
_"I’m thinking my (dead) grandparents would be embarrassed of me being such a looser"_
_"I’m trying all my best to be a good person, yet i’m still not good enough for myself"_
_"Yet, i feel like i’m a useless parasite"_ Agree with some other the other responses here that self-perception is the major factor. Note that these are things you are saying to yourself. It's YOUR thinking about what your (dead) grandparents might think of you. The fix also lies in how you think of yourself, far more than what anyone else thinks of you. The more you think along these lines, the more you are saying this to yourself - and this forms a self-enforcing loop where you begin to believe this is reality. When you think in this manner, you'll find it hard to believe even if someone close to you told you otherwise (that you were helpful); you'll might trust them, or you may feel it was insignificant by your standards. _"I have money,..i’m not hungry, have a warm place to stay and guaranteed inheritance"_ It's good that you recognise that you have means for a healthy living. Many aren't as lucky. While you think it is not that bad, are you able to fully reconcile how good it really is? Money and happiness don't have a guaranteed co-relation, but, it does give you the financial freedom to think about other things beyond just survival. You need to recognise that it is a strength you can leverage. Self-perception continues to play a role here too. Would you have felt differently about yourself if you were 5x richer? _"I feel ashamed of being that guy who is always depressed, angry and sad"_
_"Yet i struggle to find anyone who needs my help"_ You can start by helping yourself first. Do this to get to a better state of mind, to be in a position to help others later. Helping yourself get out of the state-of-mind you are in will have the highest impact realisation. This could also give you the self-confidence and determination you need in helping others. You'll also be in a much better position when helping others get out of their depressed, angry or sad state. |
From your responses to posts by others, you clearly have read books, and tried things out. You also are open to realising areas where you can make changes to yourself & your routines (Ex: sleeping better, waking up early etc).
The trick now is: how do you translate your knowledge into actions that ultimately form habits. This is definitely more difficult, so you should focus your will and energy on this. As with Dr.Peterson's 12-rules, small incremental steps to help yourself be better than you were yesterday go a long way.
--- Long term: It appears that you might have an outcome/impact and timeline in mind (Ex: you felt you didn't achieve much in 6 months). Instead you could set paths for yourself where you just make 5% improvements on your life, often. Small continuous improvements should be easier to achieve. Also, you should seek to enjoy the process than depending on the outcome.
With helping others: 5% improvements that you can unlock in somebody else's life is a massive help to others. This will come from observation, communication etc and targeted specific nuanced help (of course). The feeling of "Yet i struggle to find anyone who needs my help" will change when the scope of "my help" changes to ~5% improvement. It'll broaden the number of ways you can help people around you (even those who aren't seeking any help). So, the struggle in finding will also seem less. You may also find satisfaction in having helped more people, by a small margin, than the converse.