[pram]

I’ve been there. I’ve suffered from depression for 20 years now… but my darkest, lowest points were 06-09. I had pathologically negative thoughts just like you’re experiencing. It’s incredible suffering, I know! No one really understands unless they’ve been there themselves.

You can recover. The darkness will eventually relent. You can be productive and successful one day. It’s not over. There are no easy solutions or habits to fix it though, that is the sad truth. The best you can do at the bottom is not give up.

[obviouslyfake]

At this point i feel like it's bottomless

There is no light at the end of the tunnel, it's only getting darker and darker day by day

[pram]

Yes that is because the behavior is pathological and repetitive. I realized this at some point, it’s kind of like a self imposed delusion. Every day you tell yourself in your head that you suck, you’re worthless etc.

Yet there’s really no justification for it, things aren’t actually getting worse. In fact, my most depressed years were a kind of stasis where nothing external was really changing. The lack of change is what eventually caused what can only be described as mental paralysis to take hold. There is no light in the tunnel because your brain is expecting a continuation of the status quo.