[spython]

Think about the inner values that you have. You mention, you want to make a contribution to the society, and to be a good grandson. That's already a lot! You could start by making really small contributions, it does not have to be world-changing to make sense. Just picking up trash or tending a garden would be a good start.

Take care of your other needs – try to eat well, sleep well, move enough, get social support (as you are doing now). And, as others say, get a therapist that you can work with.

It may take some time to work things out. But it's okay. Just see it as growing and maturing.

[obviouslyfake]

I contribute to open-source, that's the only thing i would be proud of, besides not hurting anybody in any way including myself

[lcall]

If it is available in your area, many volunteer opportunities can be available at sites like https://justserve.org . I link to possible others at my site; can provide a direct link if needed. But JustServe.org facilitates local organizations and volunteers to find each other (it is free; the site is provided as a service of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and open to anyone; there are projects with many organizations; does not allow religious instruction, political work, or etc).

ps: I don't know your specifics, but thanks to you, as a sort of proxy for FLOSS contributors everywhere. Really. I rely on it, and try to contribute also as I'm able. There is so much good stuff out there.

pps: I just was checking the site and they have remote opportunities, though maybe in-person would be more cheering. They also have a list of organizations, etc. (menu at top right).

(edits: the ps and wording fixes)

[spython]

That's already a lot! I don't contribute to open source (as I'm not a coder) and I'm thankful that you do.