[vincentmarle]

> I find smalltalk with people I don’t really know to be extremely challenging and tiring. And yet with people I do know, or in conversations on topics where I feel confident, I struggle to shut myself up.

This sounds more like ADHD.

[blowski]

That would imply there’s something wrong with me, something that needs fixing. I don’t feel like that at all.

In a sense, we are all a mixture of personality traits. It’s only when you get to the extremes, where it starts to be harmful, that it becomes a “disorder”.

[wombatmobile]

I used to find trying to entertain people by playing the piano extremely tiring and challenging. I was just so bad at it. The more I tried the worse I felt.

Then I took piano lessons, practised a lot, and learnt three songs quite well.

Ever since then, when I’m at a party where there’s a piano, I’ve played one or two songs, then spent the rest of the night talking with people about music.

Learning to play the piano has helped me to overcome my social awkwardness. Now, instead of strangers feeling like an energy drain, it’s like they charge my batteries.

[Zababa]

On the other hand, I have no problems talking to strangers and most of the time leave a good impression on people, but it drains my energy way more quickly than talkign with people I know well. If I spend half the day pair programming with someone, at the end I have a strong feeling of just wanting to be alone. And during trips, after a few days with friends I miss my home, and usually after around a week with my family.

My point is that you can have no social awkwardness and be good at talking to people, but still have it be an energy drain.

[wombatmobile]

Yes it’s circumstantial. Needs based. Content and context dependent.

[vincentmarle]

There’s nothing wrong with having ADHD. I’m just saying, ADHD could be a plausible explanation than being an introvert, and as someone who got diagnosed at 36 himself, it can take a while to see the signs.

For example, I can’t small talk with someone if I think they’re boring or if it’s someone new who I just met and don’t trust. It’s a terrible trait of mine because it’s pretty judgemental, but it’s something that I’m hoping to improve over time. Because of this, people’s first impression of me is that I’m an introvert, but I’m far from being an introvert (I really need frequent social contact). It just takes a while for me to warm up to someone.