I know you're being hyperbolic and I also want to add that for crypto you should just use libsodium. The algos and the code are very good. And lots of very smart folk have given it a lot of review. And its API is very nice.
When you say this, do you mean actual C libsodium? Because surely you don’t mean that I, a js developer, should need to figure out how to wrap this .h file thingy to get it to work in js when there’s SIX third-party libsodium implementations/wrappers/projects sitting right there listed on the libsodium website? /s