[tumblewit]

I deleted FB 2 years ago, Twitter 2.5 years ago and Instagram 1 year ago.

Most close friends found zero problems connecting with me. That’s cause they call, text or we just meet. It’s almost like I started to live in the ‘real’ life rather than a made up one. It felt weird and underwhelming at times but it is horrifying how much we can get sucked into social media without even knowing most of the times. The withdrawal symptoms can be real too.

Seriously just go and click the delete button right now after seeing this post. Don’t think just do it.

[rconti]

Maybe it's my FOMO or the fact that I don't do well at organizing events, but I'd like to keep all channels open. I like to go to everything I'm invited to since I'm not the best at being a host.

I've also absolutely forgotten to invite friends to events because they weren't on social media. Sorry if that makes you think I'm a shitty friend, but if you're inviting, say, 20 people to something, it's pretty damn easy to miss someone you care about.

[perrygeo]

Agreed. I deleted my accounts on (almost) every social media provider who I did not feel respected my basic human rights and didn't look back. Did I loose touch with anyone? Maybe, but if my connection to them was mediated only by social media, it's worth it.

It's a basic matter of self-respect. Do you want to choose how you control your attention? Or do you want to give up that control (and respect) by letting facebook et. al. choose for you?

[emodendroket]

I mean I'd rather not arbitrarily cut off friends for frivolous reasons like what means they like to use to contact me.

[trutannus]

I don't think that's what they're getting at. My understanding of this was that "people who actually care about you will find a way". Someone who does not actually care about you won't bother. So chances are, if the person was only in contact with you because you're on Facebook, they don't really care about you in the first place. Cutting off someone who can't be bothered to get in touch with you is pretty normal.

[tumblewit]

Exactly! Most people now just text me if they want to know about me. I realised so many of these ‘friends’ only cared enough to like pictures or make a comment on them. Beyond that they weren’t interested. It’s better to not have such friends than have them as you are getting a false sense of friendship not a real one. I can’t believe people don’t see this problem yet. Not to mention the fact that if I actually meet them maybe by coincidence for example, they have nothing to talk about themselves but still have a profile full of photos. I already know a few people who have completely lost it due to Facebook and Instagram. I hope the damage isn’t beyond repair. This is a very serious problem in my opinion. I don’t think everyone is addicted but I think most of them are and it’s not good.

[trutannus]

Agreed. False senses of friendships can lead you to think you have more friends than you do. Having a better sense of who actually cares lets you assess if you need to see out new friends. The more accurately you know who your friends are, the more able you are to determine if you need to go make more/new friends.

[emodendroket]

Friendship is a two-way street and you may find you have few friends after all if you insist that they jump through hoops to get a hold of you.

[trutannus]

I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place.

[nobody9999]

>I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place.

Exactly. The way I look at it is this:

   I want to be around folks who want to be around 
   me.  And not all of those, either.

   If you can't be bothered to stay in touch, then 
   you obviously don't want to be around me.

   I'm perfectly willing to make the effort.  It's 
   really not that hard.

[emodendroket]

I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it. And sometimes it's nice to catch up with old friends even if you weren't super close, especially if you find yourself in a new area. I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold out of your life is a way of making your life a lonelier one. Not everyone is going to be there giving me the shirt off their back when I'm in serious need, but they don't have to be to be worth associating with.

[trutannus]

> I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either.

This is a great distinction that I think a lot of people would be happier if they followed. Just because someone wants your time does not mean you have to, or even should, provide it to them. Wanting to spend time with you is a basic prerequisite, but is not the only criterion.

[watwut]

So basically you are setting up the friendship test by deliberately making it harder to reach you. And then you guilt people who don't jump over obstacles you create.

[trutannus]

This is a bizarre interpretation. Where exactly do you see that I guilt people? This isn't some "test", and the fact that you see it that way is somewhat baffling to me. It's a personal choice made based on personal preference. I don't like social media, so I won't use it.

I provide people who I want to be in contact with the means to do so easily. Be that over email, phone, text message, or even physical meetups. If sending me a text, or sending me an email, is too high of a barrier for communication for someone, that's not my problem and likely indicates that the friendship was not particularly valuable in the first place. That's not a "test", that's simply how things are.

If I don't want you to be able to contact me, you won't be able to. I'm not obligated to make myself available to anyone who may wish to contact me. I'm not sure why this needs to be explained.