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I know there's a lot of negative feedback, but personally, if you were looking for my skill stack I would ping you for more information.

I like the idea of not working on yet another shopping cart or figuring out how to get 0.02% more people to click a link all day. Your description reminds me a lot of https://digitalscientists.com/

I like that you are specific about technologies that you use and specific about what kind of candidate you don't want. I like the reference to Van Halen's M&Ms. I do that in a lot of project proposals.

It certainly stands out of the sea of nearly identical postings that are written by an HR person who doesn't really know what the technical words mean... and that I can apply without filling out a form.

My suspicion is that candidates aren't getting to it - they never see it. Double check where you are posting it and make sure you are conforming to the expectations there.

Be prepared to back up everything in your listing with details. If I were applying, I would want to dig deep.