| I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 14, and although it wasn't cancerous, my youngest child was diagnosed with a heart tumor at 19 months (she had a successful resection and is thriving with no symptoms). Two dramatically different family health dramas where I was in vastly different positions to help, and states of mind. For a kid dealing with loss (or potential loss) of a parent, having a strong support group and a few trusted confidants and/or therapists to talk with is absolutely critical. I didn't really have that, and a lot of unpleasantness in the ensuing years likely might have been avoidable if I had. As a parent dealing with life threatening medical situation with my child, it was different. With both, though, several things are true: 1. Your social support group is important. Don't feel bad about asking for help, and leaning on helpers who offer their assistance (whatever form that may take). 2. Work is work, but a good employer will offer EAP services, reduced hours opportunities, perhaps internal counseling, and unpaid medical leave if you need it. Don't be afraid to talk to your management about your situation if you think it will affect your work, but do your due diligence first and offer them solutions, not problems. 3. If you aren't a medical professional, or you don't have significant relevant experience dealing with complex, long term engagements with hospitals & specialists, I strongly recommend you find someone who does. Recruit that person to be your advocate (at best), and to at least let you bounce information off of them as a sanity check. The people who have the best outcomes are the people who ask the right questions, demand the best care, expect the best from themselves [are are in a strong socioeconomic position to be able to afford to let other things slide while dealing with the treatment & recovery]. Rule #1 about complex medical care: never accept prognoses and recommendations without understanding the care professional's POV and having done your own research, AND preferably having solicited at least one additional opinion. Pubmed is your friend -- do your own research. Poll your network, find community groups online (I really don't like recommending Facebook, but there are facebook groups for literally every conceivable medical condition & situation -- they're filled with great folks who have already done their research!), and get formal second opinions. Also, know your rights as a patient. I can't help with the "how do I care for aging parents" part. My dad is thankfully still in good health and my inlaws (who are not) are 3000mi away and primarily looked after by my brother-in-law. They're fiercely independent but make consistently bad decisions about their health. It's frustrating. |