[wilburTheDog]

We learned in March of this year that my wife has cancer. Chemo started, there were complications, surgery was performed and the tumor was excised. After the recovery from surgery chemo resumed and as of today there is one round left. Then comes radiation and more surgeries. I work from home, as many of us these days, and have continued working throughout, taking individual days of medical leave as needed.

I have to admit it's been difficult to focus on work. Much of the time I can't concentrate well and I'm not nearly as productive as I was. I would have taken more time off if we had single payer health care in the US. I did tell a few people at work so they would understand when I seem distracted or end up taking more frequent breaks throughout the day. My wife is putting in a lot of effort to stay as healthy as possible through this. She walks a mile or two every day. Sometimes a neighbor will walk with her, but often they aren't available and I do. I think what I'm trying to say is talk with a supervisor, or someone at work who notices what you do. Let them know how this is affecting you and that you will not be able to give 100% for the next little while. Best case they'll say do the best you can, and give you some slack. Worst case you end up looking for a better job. It's a good market to be looking.

Also, I think it's important to talk with someone about how you feel. There may be a social services department associated with the oncology department of your local hospital. I am currently attending a caregivers support group run by a social worker from the hospital. It's very helpful to be able to talk about my own emotions to someone who knows how to listen and with whom I feel free to express myself. If you can't do that the whole experience ends up much harder because you're trying to support someone else emotionally, while also shoving down your own upsets. I've been surprised at the support services there are for cancer patients and families. We even found a house cleaning service offering discounts to cancer patients.

It's a very difficult thing to endure. And chemo only gets worse as it goes. Line up some support now so you don't end up burned out or depressed as it drags on.

Edit: I just noticed I was assuming you live in the US, as I do. If you don't, and health care rules in your country are more rational and compassionate, some of this may not apply.