[bloudermilk]

So sorry to hear about your mother. I just went through this with my father-in-law and will share some of the things we are most grateful for looking back.

* My partner told her employer right away and they were unbelievably supportive throughout the process, giving her PTO, understanding when she wasn't able to perform 100%, and always encouraging her to put her dad first. Not all employers are this great, but you may be surprised by how yours reacts

* We all practiced being in the moment, doing our best to enjoy each moment, especially the little things (e.g. lunch outside in the sun)

* There were ups and downs in his treatment and every "up" was an excuse to spend as much quality time together as possible

* We temporarily moved to be closer to him, both to help provide care and to spend as much with him as we could

I don't know where you are in your career or what constraints you might have, but if you can afford it my advice to you is to put your mother first always. Be transparent with your employer, ask for their support, and don't put up with any bullshit if it comes your way.