[johnwheeler]

I have gone through this situation. In 2002 my mother passed away from cancer.

It was by far the hardest and lowest point in my life.

I won't go on about all the difficulties because they're too painful and personal to me, and your mother may not be terminal, but mine was so I'll speak from that experience. Here's what I wish I would have done more of:

1. Spend as much time as possible. Lay by her, watch TV, eat together. Just being in the same room is important. I'd give anything to go back and spend more time.

2. Try not to argue, even if she's taking our her fear, anger, etc on you. Her emotions might be all over the place. Resist the urge to need her and let her depend on you for emotional support. Hug her instead of fight with her.

3. Lots of back and head rubs, foot massages.

4. Pick up the slack as much as possible. It can get bad--you might need to change diapers, clean bedpans, and clean vomit. Those are powerful acts of love from a child to a mother.

5. Tell her as often as possible how lucky you were to have her as your mother.

[jxramos]

#4 --> compassion

It still strikes me when I hear the etymology of compassion, - com : with - passion : suffer

basically to suffer alongside with which is much more profound than any soft warm fuzzy mental state, suffering is a physical state. You suffered alongside your mother and that is truly noble.

[johnwheeler]

Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.

[papa]

This is solid advice. I wish I had done better at #1, #2, and #5 when my father got sick and died from cancer, but I didn’t understand how fleeting life is and how brutal cancer is.

Having witnessed and supported other loved ones who subsequently succumbed to cancer, I’ve learned to appreciate all of the recommendations laid out above and not underestimate time or cancer.

[truetraveller]

Thanks for the advice. If you don't mind me saying, you seem to be a very nice son. I can feel the loving bond you must have had with your mom. Above and beyond most I've seen on HN. I prayed for you, and I hope you are blessed with children who are just as kind to you.

This may be a little intrusive, so I apologize in advance. I'm curious to know if religion, for you, plays a role in being kind to your parents? As a Muslim, my religion strongly encourages us to be extra kind to our parents.