[JeremyNT]

I'm sure everybody has a different takeaway, but here's mine: make sure hospice is on the table, and read between the lines about what the different doctors are telling you. Do extensive research and advocate on your mother's behalf. There are doctors who specialize in hospice and you want to bring them to the table early even if the prognosis is currently good.

I'd go to meetings with my Mom's cancer team and hear totally different things than she and my dad did. They both viewed everything in the rosiest possible light. The oncologist even said at one point something along the lines of "a lot of doctors wouldn't consider treatment in this situation" (an acknowledgement of how unlikely success was) but they could only hear "there's a possibility it could add months or even over a year."

Cancer treatment can be absolutely brutal. Perform a real cost benefit analysis on whether the treatment adds any real value. Try to make family members understand that gaining a few months of a tormented existence may not be worth it. Make a list of important things for your mother and focus on seeing those through.

In the end, I was the only advocate for moving to hospice rather than treating. I did not advocate strongly enough. My mother was dead four months from diagnosis, after suffering all the symptoms of chemo in addition to the inevitable decline that comes with the disease. I think the worst thing about it is she kept so much hope up until the very end, focusing on clawing out every extra second of life at any cost rather than making her peace and coming to terms with reality. She ended up in hospice after all - but rather than starting there in a peaceful environment, she fought every painful step of the way in endless medical corridors and care facilities, until she had a stroke that took away her mental faculties to the point that she couldn't even appreciate what was happening. My family all lives with regret on this point.

Don't let that happen to your family.

[brudgers]

For technical detail, a prognosis of six months or less typically makes hospice an option in the US.

On a personal note, I am sorry for your loss.