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Right here, though with some more experience(been ongoing for a few years now), but relatively similar situation. And to add on top of that, a large portion of the rest of my family has worked actively against me, my mom and my dad for decades and while I was young and naive not to realize it when I was a kid, somehow my parents realized not all that long ago. Luckily I was put on the front line of all that when I was 20-21-22 and I knew exactly how things were eventually going to unfold, and despite me constantly warning my parents about what was eventually going to happen, they simply brushed it off and ignored me. And as per Murphy's law, everything unfolded pretty much in parallel at the exact same time, as well as my dad having several health issues. They were a consequence of his own bad choices to a large degree - severely overweight, smoking, drinking, all that stuff but certainly didn't help the situation. So as you can imagine(though I am perfectly aware it's not helping), I can sympathize and I can sort of give you some tips on how I managed to cope with it. And all things considered, I think I managed it quite well. * First few days I was completely helpless and had no idea what to do. The first thing to do is regain composure and realize that in such situation, pity, depression and sadness are a luxury you simply cannot afford. It sounds cruel but trust me, this is exactly how it really is. Things are no longer about how you feel but about life and death. * Yesterday's problems are history - whatever you felt was missing in your life - friendships, relationships, feelings, desires, dreams, vacations and all that are also luxuries you cannot afford. At least in the beginning while you adjust to the situation. Play your cards well and these things will come back eventually. With the first two points, work becomes a necessity, like breathing - you have to do it, whether you feel like it or not. * Know your friends and your enemies: Who you can count on, and who you should stay away from. Thankfully I learned who they were well in advance and I didn't have to work this one out. Just to give you an idea - my second cousin. His best quality is that he will do everything to his ability to help when you need to. He is in a somewhat similar situation so we have this sort of unspoken and unwritten rule - whoever needs a hand, call, no matter what time it is. Whether that's driving someone to the hospital, carry furniture, go to the pharmacy - whatever it is, call and never ignore incoming calls. * I know far too well that as a developer, biology may not be your strongest side. That said, I read everything there was to read about this type of cancer I could find - books, articles, papers. Not about trying to cure it yourself, just so you can learn how to spot subtle things that may happen and patients would ignore and won't even remember to tell their doctors. This helped on multiple occasions. In addition make a journal related to that in order to keep track of things, keep notes, changes that happen over time and all that. Hospitals are likely doing it the same but it's never a bad thing to have a copy. * Whatever spare time you have, you need to have it perfectly organized. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to have as much of your schedule cleared up. * Last one might be a bit odd but hear me out: watch your own health. Exercise, if you are overweight(like I was), fix this as soon as possible. You can't help someone if you are helpless yourself. While it may seem trivial, the simple philosophy to follow is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Generally a good life philosophy but in your situation it's a necessity before anything else. As I said, I can sympathize with all this, and while I don't say this often, I have my email in my profile, feel free to hit me up if there's something you'd like to know or simply someone to talk to. Best of wishes. |