[RyJones]

Everything else I would have said is already in the comments; I don't know the name of it, but the model is something like circles of concern. The person at the center of this (your mom): all of her concerns and worries flow out from her; all of the support flows into her. People in the next circle (close family) have the same sets of arrows - concerns flow out, not in; support flows in to them.

Practically, it means this: if you have someone else that makes themselves the center of attention, make sure they don't make your mom listen to the concerns or troubles they have. Make sure your mom can express her worries or troubles however she wants, even if it's offensive or troublesome for you and others in the inner circle.

My sister is going through cancer right now, and her friends have set up meal trains, transportation to appointments, and the like. It's super helpful for her, spreads the support around, and I think overall a good thing.

[jay3ss]

Sounds very similar to this article[0]. This article helped me understand how to relate with people who are going through a rough situation.

[0]: https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-...

[em-bee]

this is interesting. i think it can be generalized. not just for ongoing rough situations but even for someone having a rough day, or a rough moment.

in that moment who are the people in the circles around me. and in whose outer circles am i?

in a married couple the partners are usually supporting each other. so they are in each others outer circles.

if my wife had a rough day then her circle takes precedence, and it's my job to comfort her. if i had a rough experience then i seek comfort from my wife. now my circle matters more for the moment.

[RyJones]

Thank you so much. This is the exact item I read years ago, and hadn’t been able to find again to give to people.

[jay3ss]

Thanks for reminding me about it. As soon as I saw your comment my mind immediately jumped to it