[kayodelycaon]

I feel that I should point out that there are deep-divers who are nice to people. I've worked with them.

Technical ability and people skills are largely orthogonal. We are just more willing to tolerate poor people skills to get technical ability.

[brabel]

It's weird to me that people in this thread seem to divide people in two categories: those who are "nice" VS those who are highly skilled but dickheads.

WTF? That's not how it works. The most highly skilled person in the world can also be the nicest person... or a dickhead, just like the nicest person in the world could also have really great skills, or not... there's no necessary relation between the two things.

[TheOtherHobbes]

An unusually competent individual in a mediocre group will find it hard be a good fit no matter how nice they are.

The opposite is also true for similar reasons - a mediocre individual will be a bad fit in an unusually competent group.

This is almost the definition of cultural fit: people with complementary skills who are all working at more or less the same level.

No one likes outliers because they just don't fit. This has nothing to do with whether or not they're friendly or likeable people.

Not being social is orthogonal to that, and a different problem.

It has everything to do with perceived hierarchy and the level of power and influence they have. They're tolerable as leaders if they have some ability in that direction. But they're intolerable as equals - unless perhaps they can be sidelined into a niche where they won't bother everyone else.

[kayodelycaon]

> An unusually competent individual in a mediocre group will find it hard be a good fit no matter how nice they are.

As the unusually competent individual who rarely “fits in”, this hasn’t been my experience. Mutual respect and some humility can bridge any experience gap I’ve encountered. I’m always happy to teach. If someone doesn’t know something, it’s an exciting opportunity to learn.

If someone just doesn’t have the ability, I’ll be gently honest with them and work to find their strengths. Not everyone is cut out for deep work, but everyone has things they are good at.

To do this effectively, I carefully guard my time. I block out at least two 4-hour blocks during the week for my own responsibilities. Usually Tuesday and Thursday at the same time every day.

I manage this with a disability that limits me to 40 hours or less each week. I never overcommit and set expectations early and often. I’ve never been more productive in my career, even before my disability.

[brabel]

> I manage this with a disability that limits me to 40 hours or less each week.

Where I live, everyone has this disability :D it's called the law.

[kayodelycaon]

My disability goes well beyond being limited to 40hr/wk. I simply picked a metric people in the United States would most easily understand and relate to.

[SamoyedFurFluff]

In my experience an unusually competent person in an org, if they can communicate their competency and rally their peers towards initiatives they (with their unusual competency) view as necessary for the whole department, actually gains a ton of social capital and respect. There’s very little they couldn’t accomplish in such an org once good faith is established.

[brabel]

Excellent point!